My Transformation

✧ Prelude: The Call of God

The yearning I spoke of in About Me did not fade—it deepened into a journey of transformation. My name is Parbatee, and while I walked the ordinary paths of study, career, and family, the extraordinary presence of the Divine kept breaking through. Here I share the fuller story of how that presence became my teacher, my path, and my life.

❀ Ordinary Life, Extraordinary Longing
My given name is Parbatee, and I was a regular person (still am) who went back to college in my thirties, earned a degree in Information Systems (BSIS), and started working in the corporate world. My love for God took me on a mystical inner journey of meditation and contemplation. How did I arrive at this path, and what did I find? This website shares a little about my journey, experiences, knowledge, realizations, and insights.

✦ Meeting my Guru
I met my guru (spiritual teacher) in 2003, and as I meditated, I began changing immensely. Around 2012, people started going into meditation and having inner experiences simply by sitting in my company. Many began calling me “Divine Mother,” “Shri Parbatee Maa,” “Maa,” and referred to me as a saint or yogi. As I guided others, some began calling me satguru (true spiritual master). We often label people to fit them into a box of understanding, so I try to find terminology to describe myself. I cannot give a name; perhaps the closest would be a yogi or giver of meditation. It does not really matter.

✶ States of meditation and awareness
I spent many years meditating and contemplating, experiencing different states. Among them was merging into the form of God (a very ecstatic state) and also conscious awareness of “no thoughts.” Sometimes I was taken into the state of no-mind (a place of void where there is no mind, only awareness). A place of timelessness, where time stands still, a place before the creation of the physical self. In this state, the mind is in the background, recording awareness. When I returned, I realized I had not had a thought. There are many more experiences, but this conscious awareness is a blissful state, a wonderful place even for a minute or two.

I have also experienced myself as Shiva, Durga, Krishna, Christ, and some gurus—each with a different energy and mannerisms. This is a glimpse of my journey.

☙ Childhood glimpses of the Divine
At age 12, I began experiencing a divinity within—an energy whenever I visited a church or Hindu temple (though seldom). I did not understand it and became scared, keeping it to myself. At 16, I felt something very deep inside at a Satya Sai Baba satsangh (spiritual gathering), and tears flowed. Now I understand what they meant, but back then I kept these things private.

❦ Trials and transcendence
I married at 22 and had two children. After the birth of my second child, I had a very serious spiritual transcendence experience and could not cope with it. My body was weak, and my hormones were running wild. I sought help from doctors, pundits, priests, and psychiatrists. Every time I prayed, my body shook, and sometimes I fell to the ground. Over time, with medication, love, and support from my family, I began to feel better. My husband and I moved to the USA for a fresh start. I stopped all religious pursuits. My simple prayers became just one line: God, give me and my family good health and strength.

Life was simple in the USA. Gradually, my mind felt better, and I was able to return to school part-time, earn a degree, and find a job. Family life was great, but the yearning for God remained. I felt my soul was not happy, as though I was not fulfilling my purpose. Although I was not drawn to meditation (I simply had intense bhakti—devotional love—for God), I found literature suggesting meditation could help. I explored two types of meditation—a Buddhist form and Transcendental Meditation (TM)—and practiced TM on and off. I also learned that a satguru (true spiritual master) could help me handle the energy I felt within.

Years later, my husband and I met a group of local Hindus from the Caribbean who were establishing a temple. I helped with this effort, and my inner search restarted. I was a bit afraid of moving forward because of earlier experiences with awakened Kundalini Shakti (spiritual energy, sometimes called the Holy Spirit in Christianity, with different names in each culture). Soon after, I met Satguru Om Maa Shree Nandini Maa (just a week before my husband had a heart attack and passed away). Suddenly, everything I had experienced from childhood through adulthood began to make sense.

I started meditating spontaneously, going into trance states at the temple, unable to take part in singing kirtan (devotional songs) or other activities. I also began experiencing the Abhaya mudra (gesture of fearlessness), Varada mudra (gesture of granting blessings), and other mudras (sacred hand gestures) seen in Hindu murtis (statues) and Buddha statues. Later, I understood these and how mantras (sacred chants) work by observing the movement of energy within. Some members of the temple did not want me meditating there. Maa (my guru) explained that it was a blessing, but people did not understand, and suggested I could leave if I wished.

At that time, I was hurt that some did not want me meditating in the temple, especially those in authority. It was a difficult time—losing my husband, trying to understand what was happening within me, and enduring the rigors that accompanied it. I did not want to disturb others, so as the intensity grew, I left the temple. Eventually, my consciousness was absorbed in advanced meditation day and night. The periods of bliss increased.

♥ Living transmission
Meditating or sitting down and studying yourself is the only way to find truth and know your transcendent nature.

If you are a seeker, please find a teacher. There are many great teachers out there.

The path of Bhakti (devotion) led me to meet my guru, Shree Nandini Maa, and I later learned that some describe it as the path of Siddha Yoga (a spiritual tradition emphasizing meditation, chanting, and service to the Guru). Through darshan (sacred meeting with the Guru), shaktipat (transmission of spiritual energy) happens, and the seeker begins the journey to the divine through chanting, kirtans, meditation, and serving the Guru in the Guru’s work.

★ Grace and private life
It has been very difficult at times, but also very blissful. Along the way, I could no longer work and had to retire. I now live by God’s grace.

I conducted satsangs (spiritual gatherings), facilitated meditation, and gave darshan to the public for a while, but now I live a private life. I continue to carry on a meditation group with a few.


If you too feel the call, may your own transformation unfold with grace and guidance.

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✧ Closing Blessing

My love and blessings to you.
Jai Guru Devi Shri Nandini Maa

May this page honor the grace that flows through all forms, and the Guru who revealed.

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