My given name is Parbatee but after I met my guru I started changing immensely and around 2012, people started calling me “Parbatee Maa” or “Maa”. As a child I always felt close to God, felt drawn to know God or talk to God and sometimes felt him with me. I was a quiet child and being born in a Hindu home and going to a Christian elementary school never presented a problem in my head of who I thought God was.
At the age of 12, I began experiencing a divinity within, like an energy whenever I visited a church or Hindu temple (which was seldom) but did not understand it. I got scared and kept it to myself. When I was sixteen I felt something very deep inside at a Satya Sai Baba satsangh and tears were just flowing. Now I understand what they meant but back then I just kept these things to myself.
I got married at 22 and had 2 children. After the birth of my second child I had a very serious spiritual transcendence experience and could not cope with it. My body was weak and my hormones were running wild. I sought help from doctors, pundits, priests and psychiatrist. Every time I would pray my body would just shake and sometimes I fell to the ground. Finally over time and some drugs and love and support from my family I started to feel better. My husband and I move to USA for a fresh start. I stopped all religious pursuits. My simple prayers in my mind would be just one line – God give me and my family good health and strength.
Life was simple in the USA and gradually my brain felt better and I was able to go back to school part time and get a degree and a job. Family life was great but that yearning for God was still there and I felt like my soul was not happy, like I was not fulfilling my purpose in life. Although I was not drawn to meditation( I just had intense bhakti for God) I found literature that meditation would help my predicament. As a result I explored 2 types of meditation – a Buddhist form and TM and started doing TM meditation on and off. I also found out that a satguru or master would be able to help me and teach me how to handle this energy that I felt within me.
Many years passed and finally my husband and I encountered a group of local Hindus from the Caribbean who were trying to establish a temple. I helped with this establishment and my inner search restarted. I was a bit afraid of the going forward because of my earlier experiences with the awakened Kundalini Shakti. However, soon I met Satguru Om Maa Shree Nandini Maa, and everything I had experienced from childhood through adulthood started making sense. I started meditating spontaneously and going into trance states at the temple and unable to take part in singing kirtan or other activities. I also started experiencing the Abhaya mudra and Varada mudras and some other mudras as seen by some buddha statues. Some members of the temple did not want me meditating there. Maa explained that it is a blessing but people don’t understand and suggested that you can leave if you want. At that time I was hurt that some did not want me meditating in the temple especially those in authority. It was a difficult time, loosing my husband, trying to understand what was happening in me and the rigors that accompanied. However, I did not want to be a disturbance to people. So, as it grew in intensity I left the temple. Eventually my consciousness was absorbed in an advanced form of meditation day and night. The periods of bliss increased.
Meditating or sitting down and studying yourself is the only way to find truth and know your true transcendent nature.
If you are a seeker please find a teacher. There are many great teachers out there.
The path of Bhakti led me to meet Shree Maa and I later learned that some people describe it as the path of Siddha Yoga. Through darshan, shaktipat happens and the seeker begins his journey to the divine through chanting, kirtans, meditation and serving the Guru in the Guru’s work.
It has been very difficult at times but also very blissful at times. Along the way I could not work any longer so I had to retire. I now live by God’s grace.
I did satsangs, facilitated meditation and gave darhsan for a while but now I live a private life.
Peace unto you, my dear reader.
Om Prema Om