My given name is Parbatee and I was a regular person(still am) who went back to college in my thirties, got a degree in Information Systems(BSIS) and started working in the cooperate world. My love for God took me on this mystical inner journey of meditation and contemplation. How did I get to this path and what did I find? This website tells a little about my journey, experiences, knowledge, realizations and some other insights.
I met my guru(spiritual teacher) in 2003 and as I meditated, I started changing immensely. Around 2012 people began to go into meditation and have inner experiences just by sitting in my company. Many started calling me “Divine Mother”, “Shri Parbatee Maa”, “Maa”, and began referring to me as a saint or yogi. As I started to guide others, they began referring to me as satguru or spiritual master. We often label people in order to fit them into a box of understanding so I try to find something to describe myself and use those terminology. I cannot give a name so perhaps the closest thing will be a yogi or giver of meditation. It does not really matter. I spent many years meditating and contemplating and would experience many different states. Among them was merging into the form of God(very ecstatic state) that I contemplated and also conscious awareness of “no thoughts”. I would sometimes be taken into the state of no mind – a place of void where there is no mind, just awareness. A place of timelessness, or time stands still, a place before the creation of the physical self. There are many areas of what we call the mind and so in this state the mind is in the background recording this state of awareness because when I return from here then it occurred to me that I did not have a thought. There are many more experiences but this place of conscious awareness is a very blissful state and a wonderful place for a minute or two. I have also experienced myself as Shiva, Durga, Krishna, Christ and some gurus with each having a different energy and I have different mannerisms. Anyways here’s a little bit of my journey.
As a child I always felt close to God, felt drawn to know God or talk to God and sometimes felt him with me. I was a quiet child and being born in a Hindu home and going to a Christian elementary school never presented a problem in my head of who I thought God was.
At the age of 12, I began experiencing a divinity within, like an energy whenever I visited a church or Hindu temple (which was seldom) but did not understand it. I got scared and kept it to myself. When I was sixteen I felt something very deep inside at a Satya Sai Baba satsangh and tears were just flowing. Now I understand what they meant but back then I just kept these things to myself.
I got married at 22 and had 2 children. After the birth of my second child I had a very serious spiritual transcendence experience and could not cope with it. My body was weak and my hormones were running wild. I sought help from doctors, pundits, priests and psychiatrist. Every time I would pray my body would just shake and sometimes I fell to the ground. Finally over time and some drugs and love and support from my family I started to feel better. My husband and I move to USA for a fresh start. I stopped all religious pursuits. My simple prayers in my mind would be just one line – God give me and my family good health and strength.
Life was simple in the USA and gradually my brain felt better and I was able to go back to school part time and get a degree and a job. Family life was great but that yearning for God was still there and I felt like my soul was not happy, like I was not fulfilling my purpose in life. Although I was not drawn to meditation( I just had intense bhakti(love) for God) I found literature that meditation would help my predicament. As a result I explored 2 types of meditation – a Buddhist form and TM and started doing TM meditation on and off. I also found out that a satguru or master would be able to help me and teach me how to handle this energy that I felt within me.
Many years passed and finally my husband and I encountered a group of local Hindus from the Caribbean who were trying to establish a temple. I helped with this establishment and my inner search restarted. I was a bit afraid of the going forward because of my earlier experiences with the awakened Kundalini Shakti(Christians call this the Holy Spirit – It actually have a different name in each culture). However, soon I met Satguru Om Maa Shree Nandini Maa (I met her just a week before my husband had a heart attacked and passed away), and everything I had experienced from childhood through adulthood started making sense. I started meditating spontaneously and going into trance states at the temple and unable to take part in singing kirtan or other activities. I also started experiencing the Abhaya mudra and Varada mudras and some other mudras as seen in the some of the Hindu murties and the buddha statues. I later began understanding these and how mantras work by understanding the movement of energy from within etc. Some members of the temple did not want me meditating there. Maa(my guru) explained that it is a blessing but people don’t understand and suggested that you can leave if you want. At that time I was hurt that some did not want me meditating in the temple especially those in authority. It was a difficult time, loosing my husband, trying to understand what was happening in me and the rigors that accompanied. However, I did not want to be a disturbance to people. So, as it grew in intensity I left the temple. Eventually my consciousness was absorbed in an advanced form of meditation day and night. The periods of bliss increased.
Meditating or sitting down and studying yourself is the only way to find truth and know your true transcendent nature.
If you are a seeker please find a teacher. There are many great teachers out there.
The path of Bhakti led me to meet Shree Maa and I later learned that some people describe it as the path of Siddha Yoga. Through darshan, shaktipat happens and the seeker begins his journey to the divine through chanting, kirtans, meditation and serving the Guru in the Guru’s work.
It has been very difficult at times but also very blissful at times. Along the way I could not work any longer so I had to retire. I now live by God’s grace.
I did satsangs, facilitated meditation and gave darhsan to the public for a while but now I live a private life. I do carry on a meditation group with a few.
The world population is now 8 billion. I am jut one of this 8 billion and this has been my life and some of my real life experiences. It is shared so that others who are seekers will read and something may resonate with them. I believe the world is experiencing a moral and intellectual decline and a mental breakdown. Social Media is having a impact on our young so our responsibility is always to ensure a better world for the future. A humanity of good conscience, proper education and less violence is the only way forward. I hope we can get a good world going of love, acceptance, love and understanding of nature and our own nature and see the wonder of this universe. Loving the earth and creation itself put good vibes into the creation. Loving it will result in small actions every day that will make a difference. Whatever your beliefs are don’t use it for violence. By connecting to the Divine one will see the divinity everywhere.
Peace unto you, my dear reader.
Om Prema Om