It was in 2003 and a few months after my husband had passed away. The days seemed unreal still. It was like if I was just watching life go by. I did not officially start meditation but I had met my Guru(Spiritual teacher – Shri Nandini Maa). I did not accept her as that in my life as yet and I traveled around meeting a few satgurus, enlightened beings, high level yogis and saints( whatever name people call them by).
On this trip, I arrived at a temple in Baton Rouge, Louisiana with my friends Suresh bhai and Indra bahin. We were there to see Swami Ganapati. While we were waiting we attended the temple worship. There was a murti of Lord Shiva. As I stood there with my eyes closed, my hands clasp and listened to the familiar mantras , suddenly I could feel this divine energy within me and this message started resonating through my being – “I am in you and you are in me.” It was so powerful, I started to cry. The thoughts, feelings and energy became this message. It was a voice but there were no sounds coming from a voice, so it was not coming from the outside. It was as if Lord Shiva was speaking directly to me. (At this point in time I was not meditating and going into trance states and having other experiences as yet)How can I describe it further? My sobbing increased and the panditji and all the followers thought that I was crying for my husband(since he had recently passed away and they knew that). The panditji gave the old garland from the murti that was there from the previous day, as he replaced the new one. This was a sign to me that my experience was genuine. Throughout my experiences one can question reality and their own sanity.
This message meant a lot to me. I began to understand the words of Shri Krishna. It helped me cope as I tried to make sense of life. I had to understand more of the nature of God, the nature of the “self”. Who am I? Why am I alive? It give me encouragement to start my journey with my spiritual teacher.