I write stories sometimes from my life so that one day my grandchildren or great grandchildren would have a point of reference of what life was like in my time. I share this one to give thanks to Mona and Lee.

I was 22 years of age and was about to get married. I was a village girl and not very stylish and did not know much about putting on make-up or hair styling. It was probably the same for most of the girls in the village. People in the village had lots of children and worked very hard to bring them up.

I worked at a bank and remember taking out a small loan to help with wedding expenses. I remember accompanying my mom to shop for sarees in the town of San Fernando. There were not a lot of Indian stores but we had managed to get a beautiful red sari at a reasonable price and some costume jewelry. (On my wedding day my mom surprised me with some gold jewelry). We also got a yellow sari to be worn on Saturday night and Sunday morning for the “hardee” ceremony.

Hindu weddings in Trinidad may have changed overtime but it those days it consisted of three days of activities. There would be pre-wedding celebrations on Friday and Saturday and the actual wedding on Sunday. Most of this was done at the brides home. Friday night would be the “hardee night”, the Trinidad term for ” the Haldi ceremony”. Family and very close friends were invited to apply turmeric paste (haldi) on the bride’s face, arms and feet and sometimes poke fun at the bride. On Saturday it was more focused on food preparation, the “parching of the Lawa/Laawa (rice paddy),” and Maticoor rituals, decoration of the mandap. It included music and singing and sometimes a live band. The groom was not present for any of this but people would apply turmeric to the groom as well at his house.

As the custom or tradition went at the time: On Sunday the bride comes out in a yellow sari for part of the ceremony and then goes back inside. When the groom arrives, then she comes out in a red sari and the actual wedding ceremony takes place. After the wedding, the bride dresses with a white wedding dress as she leaves with her husband. This was the influence of living in a different society rather than living in India where you would go home in the same sari. I guess the custom changed because girls wanted to see how they looked in a wedding dress. At that time, most weddings took place like that and we just followed that instead of thinking about purpose etc. I basically had no knowledge of anything and there was no internet so I went along with my mom what everyone was doing. So the question was, where was I going to get a white wedding dress? They did not have stores selling it so it had to be made by someone.

My mom and I then went to see her cousin Lee and asked her if she could sew one for me. Lee sewed dresses for people and had an eye for fashion and makeup. My cousin Mona, also knew how to sew clothes, style hair and apply make up and she and Lee had a very close relationship. Lee told my mom that since my brother, who was resided in the United States, was coming to the wedding then he could bring a wedding dress. It would be cheaper and very beautiful. So we wrote to my brother and my brother’s wife had said she would bring one.

Lee and Mona came to the hardee ceremony on Friday evening just two days before the actual ceremony on Sunday. I showed them the dress that was brought from the US. It was a plain white midi dress. They were so surprised! After talking for a few minutes they said “you are not going to wear that”. They took my measurements for a dress and left. I did not know anything about my brother and sister-in-law’s budget and since she came from a different culture I could not judge. I felt a bit sad and disappointed but did not show it. I contemplated whether to wear the dress or not. Anyway I was caught up in the rest of the festivities and things to be done for the wedding.

We did not have phones so I did not hear anything back from Mona and Lee. It was now Sunday morning at about 10 o’clock and I had just finished the puja ceremony with my yellow sari. I was about to put on the red sari for the actual wedding when they arrived. They then showed me this absolutely beautiful dress and a tiara. I could not believe it! I tried it on and it fit perfectly. Would you believe that? It was like in a fairy tale and they were like my fairy god mothers. They did not wave an actual magic wand but it seemed that way, since they sewed a wedding dress for me in ONE day. They had taken the measurements for a dress on Friday night and came back two days later with a wedding dress. I felt very beautiful that day in my red sari and then in that gorgeous wedding dress they made . They helped me tie my sari, fix my hair and put on makeup. I donned a tiara. I did not know what a tiara was, honestly. 

It was many years later when I got a chance to talk to Mona about the dress. She told me the following story: She and Lee were totally shocked to see the dress that my sis-in-law brought. Lee had had experiences of people bringing beautiful dresses from the US that were better than she can sew. She felt really bad because my mom had come to her. Lee and Mona decided to sew the dress. Early on Saturday morning they went to Port-of-Spain to gather materials. They came back to Couva and started sewing. They only took breaks to eat and sewed late into the night until the dress was done!

Are you saying WOW! Well I am certainly saying that. I had no idea then what transpired, only grateful that there were people of that caliber in my family. I was barely acquainted with Lee but knew Mona a little and they did this great thing for my mom and me. Would you do such a thing? I had lost touch with Mona for quite some time since I moved to the US and she moved to Canada, but now we chat on the phone sometimes.

These two women made my wedding day special for what they did. Nowadays, I now wonder how many people would do such a thing? In the world where values and truth seem to be collapsing, I know there are still those who are doing wonderful things like this. Please give kudos to these two beautiful, kind and inspiring women – Lee and Mona.

It was my birthday recently and I felt so much love.

Celebrations started a few days earlier with my dear friend and disciple, Aasha. We went to the Lake Travis area for 2 days. The hotel was great and everywhere we went it was like the universe had conspired for us to have a great time. The drive was nice and when we arrived at Bee Cave we could feel a difference in the energy field. It was calmer than the area where we lived. The hotel attendant offered an upgrade to a suite since it was my birthday, but I opted to take the room on the 5th floor. The views from the hotel room were quite stunning in this part of the hill country.

Being vegan/vegetarian we knew that food would be a concern anywhere we travel so we had checked and there were a few restaurants in the area that had possibilities and hence why we chose the area. We did not plan anything ahead and thought we would go with the flow. For breakfast we asked for recommendations at the hotel but the place we went did not have things that would work because my diet is very strict. I don’t eat onions, garlic, tomatoes, sugar, wheat(once in a while), cheese, milk, citrus or anything spicy, among other things. We did a search and found a place that paid attention to allergies and used local produce in their menu. The place was called The Well. We were able to get a good breakfast there and the service was amazing. In the afternoon we visited the Oasis – which is a famous restaurant overlooking Lake Travis.

The Oasis

The Well was not too far from the hotel so we even went back for lunch. They were happy to see us again and we chatted and told the attendant how we like the area and it felt very peaceful. They said yes, and they do see some celebrities now and again. No wonder because when we went to Lake Travis we saw those billion dollar homes.

The Well

Before lunch we went out to Lake Travis and Aasha rented a boat. As we were climbing down to the docks I was wondering how I am going to back up. It was a steep climb down with many many steps and no handrail. As soon as we got down we asked if there was an easier way back up. Thank god the people at the counter said that we can bring the car down to the boat ramp and I had to just walk to that. It was a short walk on the jetty. I felt at ease and now I could enjoy the lake. If you have read the book Fourth Wing it was like walking the Parapet to me. LOL.

The Steps to the Boat Dock

The attendant who gave us the boat gave a few tips about the boat features and handling the boat and we got a map of the lake. We rented it for just an hour so we had to make good on time and had to understand the buoy markers. Aasha started the boat and we were on our way. It was perfect weather. The sky was blue except for a few white clouds, the water looked blue and glorious and there were no high winds. We both felt so relaxed and started to really enjoy being on the water. Although it was spring break there was not much traffic on the lake. We passed a sailboat, two jet skis whisked by and after there there was no one. After about half an hour on the lake as we looked to the sky we saw this unusual cloud around the sun. We saw a rainbow but it was arching upwards in the opposite direction of rainbows. It was arching around the sun and surrounded by some see-through clouds(not thick). We stopped after a few minutes just to enjoy the lake and took the phenomena as a blessing. We felt that it was auspicious. Later when I did research I found out it is called a sun halo.

On the Lake – The Sun Halo

As we sat there, I felt an overwhelming sense of complete peace in my physical body as well as my usual peace within my being. My physical body felt no waves of society or other things. I felt like I could just lay there and watch the sky, but we could not stay since we had to take back the boat before the hour passed. As I spoke to Aasha about how she felt, she said she could not even get the camera to take pictures because she felt so good. It was amazing and I knew we would go back there sometime in the future. I like the open air spaces.

When I walk among trees I feel the aura around my body feeling the trees and above at top of my head is obstructed by the trees, even though it may be a tall tree. So when I would go to the park I would walk under the trees and feel good but it felt best when I was in the open pavilion and the trees and water was nearby. When I go to the grocery store it does not feel good. There is one store, if I stay there for more than five minutes, I get a headache. If I am wearing the wrong clothes it becomes hard on my body. I start to feel tiny disturbances that could result in some kind of ache and uneasiness and it could turn into a headache. It’s like my body can feel a harshness in certain materials, especially man-made fabrics. As a result, I have problems finding the right materials. When this started happening years ago I did not know but after observation and experiences I learned. Then I knew why my Guru ji wore silk and soft natural fabrics. I know I strayed from the point but I just wanted to say how this feeling on the boat felt so good.

On our way home we visited Bee Cave Arts Foundation Sculpture Park. It’s a small park and was very quiet and nice to stroll around to pass the time. Here are some pictures.

The next day we went back to the lake but this time to a park overlooking Lake Travis. It was just a small hike and the view was spectacular. We stayed a bit but it became very cloudy and very windy. We were glad we were not on a boat!

We then decided to grab lunch at Whole Foods and head home.The drive back took longer than our journey when we left. When we were about half to three quarters the way home, we felt a shift. The peaceful nature of the place was gone. However, it was a great beginning to my birthday celebrations.

The next day of celebrations was with my son, daughter and grandchildren. . We went to this Thai vegan place and enjoyed lunch. It’s wonderful to just sit and be together and feel the love flow. After that we went to two mattress stores since I am looking to get a new bed/ mattress. It was a good day to do this because I got more opinions and did not have to drive. I am still pondering sleep number or tempur-pedic. When I get one I will consider it my birthday gift to myself. To add to this Camille, my daughter made me a wonderful family video which I love. To have a family is wonderful.

On my birthday I met with my meditation group who wanted to have a celebration. We had it online and it was nice to get the wishes and the love. I love all those flowers that were sent and also given in person by some members, my daughter and my sister. My living room looks divine with divine flowers.

My friend and disciple Aasha made this video for me. So much appreciation. Our friendship is a divine one. It is like best friends and also guru-disciple like Sri Krishna and Arjuna or Yoda and Skywalker. LOL. It is rare and precious. We have had sometimes mind boggling experiences as the universe conspires.

Blessings to the plant and animals

Blessings to mother earth

Blessings to the sun

Blessings to the wind

Blessings to the water

Blessings to the space we dwell in

Blessings to the sacred heart

Blessings to the sacred soul

Blessings to the sacred electrical current and the life-force

Blessings from the sacred space of the human dimension of consciousness in light, bliss and glorious-ness.

Blessed be

Blessings to the grace itself for grace is the blessing.

Know thy heart

Know thy nature

Know thy fear

Then know thy spirit and then know thy self.

As I lay in bed I thought of Jesus since it’s Christmas day. I also thought of the state of the world, about wars, the rise in the behavior of stupidity, the rise in “un-truth”, and the mental breakdown. It looks like a world of total chaos. Always has been but it seems to be stepping into ignorance and darkness and as some of the light dims.

I went into that space that I go in and I became that. I once again became merged in energy, light and consciousness and the ego part of Parbatee disappeared and I merged into the essence of what we call Christ. My being understood and echoed “I am the light, I am the way. Fear not.”

Let those who feel hopeless, be hopeful again. God is not of the past and future but God is always among us. God is a living God. God is not hidden in the heavens and books but can be accessed within.

From that state the message is:”You are because I am, Don’t let the darkness of ignorance and the ego overrun this existence. Remain in truth. Only a man of truth will know others who speak truth. Blessed are the peace-makers. Blessed are ones who’s hearts are pure and full of light. Blessed are the ones who’s light shine through their intellect. Blessed are those whose light shines through their compassion. Blessed are those who always acknowledge me and hence have a close relationship with me. For those, they don’t have to ask for blessings for it is given what is needed. Blessed are those who take care of the plants and animals for they become my care takers and are taken care of. Blessed are the ones who holds their strength in me. Blessed are the ones that feel and know me from within. Blessed are those who walk the path of love.”

This video was done about 5 years ago. Great for anyone now finding my channel.

Questions on food and a meditation exercise at the end.

I was always busy in life, never had time for me

Learning in school, doing chores, coping with drama

Never time for me, but I smiled.

Learning to cook, learning about being an adult, and all the other things we try, learning to conform to society, getting the university education

Never time for me, but I smiled.

Learning the married life, bearing the children and working and working

Never took time for me, but I smiled.

Being a good spouse, teaching and growing my children, washing thousands of laundry items, buying thousands of groceries, cooking hundreds of meals that not necessarily was my favorites ( everyone else’s)

Never took time for me, but smiled.

Coping with the sleepless nights: with children’s common ailments and doctor’s visits, everyday worries, friends or family departures

Never took time for me, but I smiled.

Now I am retired, husband has left the earthly plane, and children are living their own lives, so now I have time for me

Now I had time to love my own self. Now I had time to truly love God or question the existence.

Was spending time loving my friends and family and other things but never had time for me. Was that time for me? It was only time for part of me. Now I have time to find the other part of me.

So I cook what I like, I dance how I like, I dress how I like, I stay away from drama.

Now I have time for me and I smile.

I garden and watch the flowers, I observe nature, I paint the flowers and things of nature

For I have time for me, and I smile.

I meditated and found the real me that was hidden.

Now I am and I smile.

As I meditated, I received the gift of the ability to bless others, and to give meditation.

So, sometimes I bless others, give meditation and spread good thoughts.

I feel completed , so I paint, paint, paint and take pictures of my flowers.

Namaste.

A simple way to look at your life and bring love into your system.

This post is especially for those who feel alone, or do not feel love in their life.

Do you love your children? Is it because you were part of their creation or manifestation?

Do you love something you created with love and intelligence like a sweater, a building, a garden or did something out of the kindness of your heart?

So to, the creator love this creation.

Do you love your children? Close your eyes and and go into your heart and say ” I love my children” You can substitute children with their actual name. Does it not feel good inside? You can feel the love. If you don’t have a child, I am sure you have a parent or spouse or dog etc.

So if you are a child – now you know how your parents felt. So close your eyes and say and feel “my mom loved me or my dad loved me” or whoever took care of you.

So, in the same way God created this universe and you. So now close your eyes and go into your heart and feel the words of “God loves me” Feel it completely.

Even if you did not feel love when you were growing up, it was not your fault. You are at the very heart of God, at the very heart of this creation. Now create good things in your life and this planet. Put a piece of love into it. Even if you live alone, have this love in your heart.

Every thing you are doing in this world, you are really doing to benefit your own self at its core.

The saints became saints because they loved God with all their might and it was so intense that they got swept up into it and felt the love of the merging love of the creator. So they were sometimes alone but did not feel lonely because they can feel the presence of the creator.

Go for nature walks and see the beauty around. Feel the good energy of a place without the frequencies of technology. For some of you, your thoughts will lessen and you will feel creative or good thoughts will come to you. Then you can get to feeling like yourself again.

Just as our earthly mother loves us so too the Divine Mother takes care of all her creations.

Now do you understand?

It was in 2003 and a few months after my husband had passed away. The days seemed unreal still. It was like if I was just watching life go by. I did not officially start meditation but I had met my Guru(Spiritual teacher – Shri Nandini Maa). I did not accept her as that in my life as yet and I traveled around meeting a few satgurus, enlightened beings, high level yogis and saints( whatever name people call them by).

On this trip, I arrived at a temple in Baton Rouge, Louisiana with my friends Suresh bhai and Indra bahin. We were there to see Swami Ganapati. While we were waiting we attended the temple worship. There was a murti of Lord Shiva. As I stood there with my eyes closed, my hands clasp and listened to the familiar mantras , suddenly I could feel this divine energy within me and this message started resonating through my being – “I am in you and you are in me.” It was so powerful, I started to cry. The thoughts, feelings and energy became this message. It was a voice but there were no sounds coming from a voice, so it was not coming from the outside. It was as if Lord Shiva was speaking directly to me. (At this point in time I was not meditating and going into trance states and having other experiences as yet)How can I describe it further? My sobbing increased and the panditji and all the followers thought that I was crying for my husband(since he had recently passed away and they knew that). The panditji gave the old garland from the murti that was there from the previous day, as he replaced the new one. This was a sign to me that my experience was genuine. Throughout my experiences one can question reality and their own sanity.

This message meant a lot to me. I began to understand the words of Shri Krishna. It helped me cope as I tried to make sense of life. I had to understand more of the nature of God, the nature of the “self”. Who am I? Why am I alive? It give me encouragement to start my journey with my spiritual teacher.